Love and All That

I’ve been thinking a bit about the nature of love, so I wrote a new poem for you.  It’s entitled “Love Musings”.  Hope you enjoy it.

 

“It’s your God-forsaken right to be loved”

–Jason Mraz

 

Is love a right,

One to which we are all entitled?

Does loneliness equal

Cruel and unusual punishment

For which we should be compensated?

Is God shunning me

Because I am alone?

 

Or, is being loved a privilege,

A special gift, a glorious gem

That is given, and earned?

Am I simply unfortunate

Or perhaps unworthy

When I stand by myself?

 

I want to believe the former

Hope that I am due for love

That I need nothing more than patience

To bask again in love’s glow

And have God bless me again

 

But I’m more of the mind

That love must be earned

With hard work and persistence,

Not to mention fortunate logistics

I see much pain and effort in my future

Before love will grow again,

If indeed it does

 

Don’t get me wrong, though

I’m still open to the God thing

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Sometimes We Fail

I’m trying hard to come to grips with the circumstances in which I find myself – but the truth is, I HATE those circumstances and have attached a great deal of self-judgement to them.  Which, of course, makes it that much harder to come to grips with them.  I am my worst enemy and my harshest critic, so I make my situation – and my reaction to it – much more extreme when I beat myself up.  I feel bad to begin with, start blaming myself, and whoosh, right down the toilet go my mood and energy.  That same critical voice that propelled me to so much apparent success in my life has become a real adversary.

At the suggestion of my therapist, I have been reading a book entitled “When Things Fall Apart” (cheery, huh?).  It is by Pema Chodron, a Buddhist monk who herself went through something similar to my current challenge.  In the book, she makes the point that our typical behavior when confronted with pain and challenges is to either run from them or to distract ourselves (which is the foundation of most addictions).  In my case, by blaming myself, I am, in essence, turning the focus from the problem to myself – a distraction of sorts.  What she suggests is that we learn to stay with our pain, and in the process, allow ourselves to accept it and to truly learn about ourselves.  OK, so I’m no Buddhist monk and I do NOT fully understand how to do what she suggests – but something about this whole approach makes sense to me.  When I turn on myself, I’m doing nothing to address the real problem – I’m just avoiding it, and feeling worse at the same time.  I’d love to find acceptance and peace with my current issues – and with myself.  And, I would LOVE to be able to see and understand my failings without drawing dire conclusions about myself.  I’m going to give this approach a real good try.  And attempt to not judge myself if I don’t get it right away!  Wish me luck on both fronts.

Ok, speaking of failing…. I have to share a really bad effort on the food front.  I LOVE filet mignon and decided to grill some for myself.  Found a couple that were wrapped in bacon, so gave them a try, with some corn on the side.  I don’t know whether it was inferior meat, the bacon wrapping or what, but I could not get those morsels properly grilled.  Ultimately unwrapped the bacon and cooked it separately.  But, try as I might, I was only able to reach mediocrity with the meal.  Yeah, sometimes we fail.  Here’s a picture of that culinary disappointment.  Ciao for now! Filet Bacon and Corn

Progress – Of A Culinary Nature

Hi, sorry it’s been a while.  Guess I’m struggling to find something notable, profound or funny for you.  Things pretty much status quo.  Except… I haven’t shared any food forays with you and at least on THAT front, I continue to push ahead.  Two culinary masterpieces (not really) to share with you today.  Actually, both are pretty simple and fairly mainstream, but, they feel kind of significant to me.  Here they are:

First, I had a good friend over this past weekend and decided to put a real “adult” meal on the table for him.  I had a couple of beef tenderloins and intended to just grill them up for myself.  But when I brought them out I realized that would be an injustice to these little pearls of protein.  Instead, I made a very tasty marinade (following my practice of just putting in what sounded good), let it soak for 36 hours and then cooked it on my special cast-iron griddle.  Added to it some really tasty cajun andouille sausage, some very special early sweet peas and a salad my friend brought over.  Voila!  It WAS quite adult, but even better, it tasted great.  The steak was tender and very flavorful and everything complemented it perfectly.  A year ago, I doubt I would have taken that one on.  This year, a meal I’m proud of.  The picture is below.

Ok, much more minor in scope, but still kind of special to me, I decided to make myself some curried chicken salad for lunch.  No clue where to start, so I just dove in.  Once again, the curry was, to say the least, a unique combination of spices that I like and hoped would work together.  Add raisins and some sweet crispy apples… and it worked REALLY well.  Honestly, one of the best curried salads I’ve ever had.  And even better because it was mine…..

All in all, a good week for my efforts to be happy in my nutritional self-reliance.  I’m encouraged!  The pictures of the two dishes follow:Curried Chicken Salad

Steak and Sausage