Uncomfortably Numb

It has been a LONG time since I last wrote, and my most recent posts have largely been poems – nothing truly current and personal.  I’ve started to write on several occasions, but, honestly, had a hard time coming up with lucid thoughts or even clear emotions about things.  I’ve been wondering about this – I’m RARELY at a loss for something to say and in recent years have been much more in touch with my feelings than I used to be.  So, why the lack of material to share with you?

When I started this blog I shared the fact that I was newly on my own as the result of dealing with a divorce.  The divorce process has been fraught with strong emotions, mood swings and fear about what the future holds.  I’ve grown used to that condition.  Well, things have changed.  My wife and I have basically concluded the divorce process and are now waiting for the date the dissolution will become official.  Yeah, I just said a mouthful.  All those months of sadness, anger and fear and now, I feel…. uncomfortably numb (to paraphrase a Pink Floyd song).  There is still sorrow and anger and fear – but they have all been dumbed down; buried beneath a layer of ice or a couple of feet of water.  And I REALLY don’t like it.

You would think I would be happy to get some relief from the strong emotions associated with the divorce.  But instead, I feel like nothing is familiar and it is very hard to know what I should be doing or even determine whether I’m ok.  Honestly, I have no idea how I’m doing.  And all that really sucks.  I don’t like feeling numb.  It’s even worse than being sad.  I hope something else comes along soon.

Ok, ANOTHER thing I haven’t done lately is share any food experiences.  Here’s one, not a biggie, but quite a staple of my diet.  I have come to call it my Ultimate Meat Sauce and have been working on the recipe for some time.  You see, I use this sauce for a variety of purposes – with spaghetti or other pasta; on a meat sauce sandwich (love them!), with meatballs, rice, etc.  You get the idea.  So, I want it to taste just right – full, a little spicy, very meaty and with a taste that lingers on for a bit.  Well, I finally got it right; hence the Ultimate Meat Sauce.  A picture follows.  Can’t you just taste it? Come visit and I’ll give you some.   Ciao all.

Spaghetti Sauce


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